Monday, February 21, 2011
I fell out of forever when I realized where I was....
The dreams I had been clutching kept cluttering my vision, and my information was two years old because I had no room for anything new and then I looked up and even though I had been walking for five years the street corner remained the same.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
All in tha head
Some bizarre resurgence of love of life and the glittering stream of dust in the sunlight - and I don't know what to make of it, passing fancy perhaps? It's been months with my head shoved deeply in the mud for various reasons (some I know and some I don't) and here I am suddenly feeling like being a person again.
It always starts this way, burgeoning hope, the idea that I can do anything - then I look at the piles of unfinished projects, the stacks of things promised and left undone, the months of a world abandoned, the things I really should do before I can do anything else and then it all comes crashing back down. If not at that instant, then soon after.
I don't want that to be the case. I'm going to deny it. This time things will be different (just like they have been every other This Time, huh?).
There is a touch of mental to me, but you can't see it unless I am histrionic and over the top. I stopped doing that in public, I keep it to myself now - and when I can't I just don't go anywhere. So how does that get handled as my child ages and becomes cognizant of my crazy? Or is my crazy really all in my head?
It's lonely in here - with these thoughts I can't share. I can tippity type them all over in various cloaks, that is no bother and no worry. What I want is a shady tree and a margarita and a friend who won't disdain me after listening, nor pity me - just nod his/her head and let us go on to the next topic.
It always starts this way, burgeoning hope, the idea that I can do anything - then I look at the piles of unfinished projects, the stacks of things promised and left undone, the months of a world abandoned, the things I really should do before I can do anything else and then it all comes crashing back down. If not at that instant, then soon after.
I don't want that to be the case. I'm going to deny it. This time things will be different (just like they have been every other This Time, huh?).
There is a touch of mental to me, but you can't see it unless I am histrionic and over the top. I stopped doing that in public, I keep it to myself now - and when I can't I just don't go anywhere. So how does that get handled as my child ages and becomes cognizant of my crazy? Or is my crazy really all in my head?
It's lonely in here - with these thoughts I can't share. I can tippity type them all over in various cloaks, that is no bother and no worry. What I want is a shady tree and a margarita and a friend who won't disdain me after listening, nor pity me - just nod his/her head and let us go on to the next topic.
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